Enough Is Enough! Stop Trying To Lose Weight
There comes a point in time when enough is enough. It’s time to stop struggling with your body and focus on things you love about yourself. I know it’s easier said than done – but we have to start somewhere.
There’s a serious body image issue among women over 40 that never gets talked about. It’s a dissatisfaction with your body because it doesn’t look like it did when you were younger or because you hover just above some ideal weight you’ve got in mind.
To most people this may not seem like a big problem but in my work with so many women over the years, I’ve identified it as a major source of unhappiness and struggle among women in their middle age years and even into their 60s and 70s.
I want to help change that as much as possible.
The MidLife Body Image Crisis
So many women tell me how hard it feels to change their body after 40. Truth is, you can make dramatic changes to your body at any age but you have to have realistic expectations.
There are two ways I see this midlife body image crisis manifest. First, it often shows up as an unrelenting focus on certain body parts and a wish to change them without understanding if they can be changed at all. Often you’ll compare yourself to how you looked when you were younger and that creates a lot of unnecessary heartache.
The stomach is a major issue for most women over 40. It’s not realistic to expect to have the same flat stomach that you had in your 20s. It doesn’t help to compare yourself at all to how your stomach was when you were younger. Skin sags and stretches, cellulite happens (yes even on your stomach) and babies change your body forever. I am honestly shocked by how many women seek to have a flat stomach again despite having multiple pregnancies. Some who have even had surgeries and abnominal separation.
It’s not impossible, but it can be really, really hard. Really. Most women don’t understand how strict they would have to be to get the flat stomachs they see on Instagram and they certainly aren’t willing to diet, stop alcohol, prioritize exercise and everything else that would be required to get that flat stomach.
The other common body complaint is the legs. Women either worry about them being too bulky or having cellulite. In most cases, thick muscular legs are only going to change to the point where you might possibly feel happy if you get really lean, which is difficult to attain and to maintain. And the appearance of cellulite can be improved but you really can’t get rid of it because it’s not just a fat issue, it’s a genetic and aging issue too.
So it’s all very hard and takes a lot of effort because you are fighting against your body type and genes.
Finally, there are the women who are dissatisfied with their scale weight because they hover just above some ideal weight they’ve come up with in their mind. I also think this is a body image problem because it creates so much long-term unhappiness. I’ll talk about that in a few minutes.
Accepting Your Body Because Otherwise It’s So Difficult
Truth is – you probably don’t want to do the things needed to get you to this “ideal” you have in mind.
Let’s talk about why this gets so difficult once you reach a certain point. Your body has a “set point” which is where it tends to go back to all the time. You probably know this because you’ll have a weight that you tend to stick to even if you lose or gain a little bit – you tend to go back to that certain weight. Breaking that set point is really difficult.
This is where that question of how bad you want it comes in. When I explain to women what’s involved in getting to the next level I can literally see them checking out. They just aren’t willing to strictly diet and count every calorie, give up alcohol and go to the gym 5-6 times a week.
And that’s ok. But then you have to make peace with your body as it is because there’s no point in feeling dissatisfied and half-heartedly trying to change things only to keep failing. That’s pure misery.
I had to make peace with my body a long time ago. I was not born with the perfect shape – especially for someone who runs a business that relies on social media. I have thick legs, a thick midsection and very little breasts. I definitely find it frustrating because I know that I would do much better on social media with my business if I had a more trendy shape (tiny waist, big glutes and more sizeable breasts).
But I can’t change the shape I was born with! No matter how lean I get I will still have this shape. I will never have a tiny waist or super lean, shapely legs. And the leaner I get – the smaller my breasts get!
I could spent my whole life fighting against that and feeling dissatisfied but instead I focus on the positives. I don’t have much cellulite, my legs are strong and my knees are healthy. Also why do you think you see so many photos of my arms and back on my social media? Because they are my positives!
Think about your shape. Think about your mother’s shape, or your aunts. If you look like everyone else in your family there’s probably not much you can do to change your overall shape and structure.
Why spend your entire life feeling unhappy about something you can’t change much, if at all? Why not focus on emphasizing the positives instead?
Is Your Ideal Weight A Worthwhile Goal?
So many women hover just above what they call their “ideal weight” and this causes a lot of dissatisfaction with their body and progress. For example, I work with a lot of women who weigh about 65kg/140lbs. Many of these women tell me their ideal weight is about 60-62kg or about 130-135lbs. So they are sitting just above their ideal scale weight.
Now you might think – 3kg/5lbs. That’s easy! You’d be right when it comes to ladies who have a lot of weight to lose. However, often when you sit near a healthy weight, getting lower takes more effort. Considerable effort and discomfort.
Again, I’m a good example of this. For years and years I’ve sat between about 61.7-62.6 kg. My weight rarely goes outside this zone. This is where my body likes to be – this is my set point.
As I mentioned in the previous section, your body has a set weight and body fat range that it likes to maintain – it settles there and will fight to defend it. That means trying to change your set point is really hard.
If I was to try to break my set point I would have to reduce my calories and this is what would happen:
– I’d be hungry and not get all the nutrition my body needs to age well. It’s really hard to get enough nutrients normally but especially hard on a diet.
-I’d have less energy (energy is a big challenge as you get older so that’s a huge reason in itself not to reduce calories or always be trying to lose weight).
-I’d also not sleep well (which would impact weight loss, my mood, energy).
-All of this would make me more emotional and anxious.
-As I lost weight I would also lose muscle which is not something I want to do as I get older. In fact, I think this would make me look older because muscle gives an athletic, youthful appearance especially when it’s full and round (which only happens when you have the energy to train hard and you are eating carbs).
-I’d lose breast size which seems impossible given how small they are already and I’d look more gaunt in the face. This gauntness is a very real consideration as we get older. We lose fat in our face as we get older and I personally think most women look better a few kgs or lbs above their “ideal.
We get so focused on the scale, we don’t think realistically and we fail to consider the big picture and long term goals to age well and look youthful.
As I’ve talked about, looking youthful doesn’t necessary equate with being thin or a certain weight on the scale – and this is something that is really overlooked by most women.
How To Set Realistic Goals
The balance lies in accepting what you can’t change and having some fun trying to develop the positive things about your physique. Remember, 20 years from now you’ll look back at the body you’ve got today and realize how great it was – so why not appreciate it in the moment?
It’s my job as a coach to help you find balance (and the positive things about your body if you aren’t sure!). If you want some help with all this be sure to check out my programs below.
Over 40 Transformation Program
