Have you noticed at certain times your lady seems kinder, more feminine, sexier? You can’t keep your hands off her and she treats you like some kind of hero.
Things are fantastic when she’s like this.
But it never lasts – does it?
Almost overnight her mood noticeably shifts. There’s a tense tone to her voice. She more tired and bad-tempered than normal. Sometimes she’ll cry for almost no reason. Or worse, she’ll completely lose it and you’ll have a big fight over something that gets blown way out of proportion.
You might think she has PMS and you’d be sort of right. Her moods swings are definitely a result of changing hormones but it’s not just about PMS. Every month her natural biology causes a shift in her hormones, mood and even her appearance.
The good news is that there are times of the month when she is also going to be more happy, confident, carefree and loving.
These swings in moods – the good and the bad – are part of the cyclic nature of being a woman. There’s nothing either of you can do to stop it.
If you have a woman in your life – trust me – things will be so much better if you understand how it all works. In this article I’m going to walk you through her monthly cycle and give you some tips for how to deal with her mood at each stage.
What You Can Do About Her Monthly Mood Swings
Unfortunately most women aren’t in tune with their cycles. They don’t know when their mood shifts and they don’t understand why it happens.
Ideally your partner would be tracking her cycle and her moods so she can give you warning when her moods are about to change but most women have absolutely no idea that this is even an option. It’s not our fault. No one is teaching us about how it all works. From a young age we learn that PMS is a natural part of being a woman and that there’s nothing we can do about it – unless we want to take birth control or other medication.
If you knew what birth control did to your partner’s libido, attraction towards you and health – believe me – you wouldn’t want her on it. The alternative, which no one talks about, is for your partner to track her monthly cycles, identify her mood patterns and teach you about them.
If you want to get your partner some help with all of this, feel free to contact me or book a session for her. In the meantime, the good news is that there’s a lot you can do to help her throughout the month.
This is your chance to step up and help her out, which will in turn make your relationship stronger and more harmonious. Here’s what you can do at each stage of the month.
Let’s start with her period because that is the start of her monthly cycle and it’s easiest for you to identify when it’s happening.
Some women (usually when they are younger) don’t have too much trouble with their periods. However, many women dread their periods and suffer terribly from them. Especially in their late 30s and 40s, having a period can be absolutely debilitating. Here are some of the things your lady might be going through:
- Feeling bloated and frustrated
- Having emotions all over the place
- Being way more tired than normal from lack of sleep, pain, and blood loss
- Worrying about leaks from heavy periods
- Severe pain from cramps
- Body ache and/or headaches
If your partner suffers from bad periods then she’s not going to feel up to doing much and you’ll need to respect that. If she has severe cramps she is going to need a lot of help from you. Some women have such bad cramps that they can’t even stand up to get themselves a hot water bottle.
The good new is there’s a lot you can do that will make her feel better during her period.
You can help her at this time by:
- Checking on her regularly and bringing her anything she needs (ie. fill a hot water bottle, get her a blanket, put on her favourite TV show)
- Taking care of all the housework, cooking and childcare responsibilities
- Encouraging her to take time off work if she’s in pain
- Letting her sleep as much as she needs
- Not bringing home greasy takeaways
- Preparing vegetarian meals
The food aspect is something I want to make sure you understand because it can be extremely important to how your partner feels during her period.
A lot of men unknowingly sabotage their women’s efforts to take care of themselves better by insisting on eating takeaways or having meat with every meal.
For women with cramps, this is the worst type of food because it causes inflammation, which then causes her to have even worse cramps. If she ate less meat (or even no meat) in the lead up to her period and especially during her period, she’s probably going to have a lot less cramps. She should also limit dairy, eggs and fried foods during this time as well.
In my experience women usually give in to their partner’s desires to eat certain foods even when they would prefer lighter fare. She likely doesn’t even know that she’d benefit from changing how she eats so this is your chance to step up and help her out.
Stop bringing home junk food and takeaways. Think about what she needs during this time and try some plant-based meals. Your health is going to benefit and, especially if you have a family to feed, you’ll enjoy the benefits of saving some money (ie. rice and beans is much cheaper than steak for four people!).
You can learn more about plant-based eating in this article:
Her Venus Week
This is her peak time of the month when she feels her best (so your relationship is going to feel awesome as well).
It varies for every woman but approximately 3 to 4 days after her period finishes, your partner is going to start her “Venus Week.” During the Venus Week your partner’s hormones, mood and appearance changes to reflect her “fertile” time and the potential for her to get pregnant. (If your partner uses hormonal birth control she won’t have a Venus Week).
Even if you aren’t trying to have a baby as a couple, you will find your partner the most attractive and she’s going to be the most responsive to you during this time of the month. This is because peaking levels of estrogen and testosterone create subtle changes in her appearance, her voice, and her demeanour. Her libido will also increase. Interestingly, studies have shown that men who smell the shirts of ovulating females have an increase in testosterone so your hormones may also be affected at this time!
At this time, it’s highly likely that everything is going to feel so much better and easy going in your relationship than at other times of the month. During this time your partner is also going feel more energetic, positive and outgoing. This is not the best time for you to come home and plunk down on the couch. She’s going to want to do things and she may feel frustrated if you don’t.
You can encourage her to get out if you don’t feel like doing anything but just be aware at this time of the month, other men find her more attractive too!
Here’s what you should do during her Venus Week:
- Schedule more social activities, like catching up with family or friends
- Plan romantic activities and date nights
- Suggest physical and/or adventure activities
- Try new activities or foods
- Encourage her to take more risks at work and schedule important meetings or presentations
Her Fierce Time
Every month her hormones shift and make her feel more introverted, tired and possibly even fierce.
Quite likely, her Fierce Time is the reason you are reading this article.
From one day to the next, she becomes a completely different person. Even if she’s not outwardly expressing negative emotions, you can sense the change. Like a tiger waiting to pounce – and you know it’s only a matter of time. That’s why I call this her “Fierce Time.”
Most people blame changing female moods on PMS but there’s more to the story. Every month her hormones are going to change (after ovulation) and she’s going to feel different – more introverted, tired and possibly even fierce.
If your partner tracks her cycle, she can give you some warning but most women don’t have enough knowledge about how it all works. To make matters worse, because she’s tired, she doesn’t look after herself during this time and feels even worse.
You really want to encourage your partner to start tracking her cycle and moods because it is a relationship saver! For example, I track my cycle so I usually know when my mood shifts and I’ve educated my partner about how it all works. He knows I have one to two days where I feel particularly bad every month and it might come out as sadness, irrationalness or anger. Or – on a really bad day – all of it at once!
If I start losing it, he gently brings me down by reminding me I might just feel bad because of my hormones. He also helps out more and gives me time alone if I need it. I emphasize the “gentle” part of it because how you react is crucial to the outcome of any tense interaction during this time.
It’s important that you don’t also let your emotions escalate because during this time you are the only one capable of controlling the situation. She’s going to be more irrational and not able to see solutions at this time. She’s also not going to know what she needs. This is NOT a good time to try to talk through issues.
If you try to talk things through she’s likely to start saying all sorts of things she doesn’t mean. For many women their brain feels out of control and once they start discussing any “issue” it quickly becomes blown way out of proportion. She’ll make small issues into major problems at this time of the month, so it’s best not to light the fuse.
Your reaction to her changing moods will influence how stressful this time is for both of you. Respond gently and it will de-escalate the situation.
Remember, she’s going to have low energy and she might seem less loving during this time but she just needs some time alone. This is a time when she feels like she doesn’t have enough time to look after herself and she’s going to resent others who take time away from her so don’t expect her to do things for you during this time. Encourage her to take time out for herself.
This is a great time for you to hide out in your man cave (assuming you’ve left the house tidy and you don’t have children to look after). She’ll come find you when the storm passes.
You can help her at this time by:
- Avoiding serious discussions
- Giving her more time alone and letting her sleep more
- Keeping the house tidy and doing the handyman work you’ve been putting off
- Not scheduling big family or other social events if possible
- Offering to watch movies or programs she likes
- Hugging her often
- Responding gently to her moods and not taking things personally (always remember you are the one who can stop the situation from escalating with how you respond)
In this article, I’ve focused on how you can help her but she has to take some responsibility for her moods as well. She needs to learn about her cycle so you can work as a team when her mood starts to shift. She should also be eating well, exercising and otherwise looking after herself which will help minimize her mood swings. If you want to get her some help, you can contact me or book a session for her.
But, even if she does everything right, she is still going to experience a shift in her mood every month. Remember to not take her moods personally and that your reaction will often determine whether things escalate.
Believe me – as women we know our moods are changing but we often feel like we can’t control our moods and reactions. On top if it all, we feel terrible about how we are acting so we punish ourselves more than enough. What we need from you is kindness, patience and love.